VIRGINIA IS FOR LOVERS...AND GRITS!
Sorry for the late entry but we got a little busy this spring.  More updates to follow this one!
Well, back in March we headed out for a state yet discovered by GRITS (Gals, that is...I'm quite sure they eat 'em there) and we headed to the lovely town of Suffolk!  It was the first time we had ever played in the great state of Virginia and we didn't know what to expect!  Because it was about 6 hours away, half of the cast and the crew headed out the night before.  We were going to need to load in and rehearse and for me wearing as many hats (literally and figuratively) as I do during this process, I find that I cannot do all of it if I have that long a drive SO...we headed out to parts unknown ahead of time!
We stayed in lovely Emporium, VA the night before....just outside of Suffolk.  My husband of NASCAR sports writing fame, informed me that this was the hometown of the famous Sadler Bros.! Too true, we found out fast enough, as we tooled through the town passing the Sadler Auto Care Center, Sadler Travel Center, Sadler Restaurant and so on and so on.  These were a welcome sight to us as we pulled into the city that was let's just say a little...sketchy.  It was pretty late and mostly what we had passed on the way in was the never before seen  "Slip-In" convenient store &  gas station.  As one of my more seasoned actresses put it.... "I'm NOT going to the bathroom in this town in a gas station called the "Slip-In"!  You don't know what you are gonna come out of there with!"  BUT... when we checked into a lovely Holiday Inn Express and all was well with the world and we were just a 45 minute drive outside of our destination.
We arrived at the precious town of Suffolk and at a theater that was more than lovely the next day around 11:00 am.  We were met with an interesting group of young men who were tech crew for the center.  As we pulled up in the truck hauling the pink trailer with "GRITS: THE MUSICAL" painted on the side, one young man asked, "You the GRITS ladies?"  I responded, "Yes...yes we are." and we were off and running.
Loaded in, set up and got my new stage manager up to speed.  Yep!  That again.  Turned one very promising assistant stage manager into a full blown, calling lights and running the show, stage manager that trip.  Training as we go is a must for this crew and this new gal was great.  I know she was scared, but she didn't show it and we just did what we had to do to make it work like we always do!  Was it a lighting masterpiece?  No, but it was solid and good and that was the most important thing.  The piece does not live or die by lights, it stands with basics just as well as with all the bells and whistles.  It's the material, music and cast that are what the people come to see.
As the rest of the cast filed into the super nice dressing rooms, we noticed a man that was coming in and out of the dressing room area.  Senior gentleman and very nice.  Told my seasoned actress that he was looking for his 5th wife and if there was anyone in there that he could spend his money on? Come to find out, it was Mr. Frank.  He was the custodial service manager and was very sweet.  He had been working at the facility for many years and was quite a character!  He fit right in with the GRITS Gals!
We moved onto the stage area to start out cue to cue rehearsal.  Had to have one...not for the actresses but for the poor new stage manager who had never called a light cue in her life!  We started going through the show and she was doing great.  We got to the song "Lipstick Sisters" and in that particular number we go down into the audience and hand out lipstick (really chap-stick in individually wrapped packages with the show name and website on it...WHAT? I have to market this bitch anyway I can!)  anyway...down we go, and stand before the empty house in the dark.  House lights should come up, but this new gal was just figuring it all out when POW!  Bright lights hit me right in eyes!  FLASH!  Another one...right in my face!  I am totally blinded.  I look at my co-stars to my right and left and they are laughing.  I finally regain my sight and I see Mr. Frank standing on the second row.  FLASH!  Again the lights...closer this time.  Mr. Frank. clicks a disposable camera and then  twists the knob to advance to the next picture.  He's up in my face like the paparazzi on Kim Kardashian.  I guess he thinks he's found his 5th wife.  Don't tell my husband.  We laugh and continue on.
Show time comes and it's a terrific crowd.  Almost all 500 seats sold.  We are all dressed and they fed us a wonderful meal and took pictures with us for their social media sites.  These were some charming folks.  We head upstairs to do the show and begin.  The crowd was SO into it.  You never know from state to state how the jokes and songs and text will be interpreted, but these Virginians LOVED it!    We are half way through the first act and I look over to the stage left wing and there is Mr. Frank again.  With his disposable camera.  Click!  Twist, twist, twist.  Click!  Twist, twist, twist.  He is in the wings taking pictures of us, Well...I am gonna say "us".  The rest of the cast would have said "me".  It was hilarious.  Luckily we were so in the zone and it was a cast that was so familiar with the show that it wouldn't have mattered what what going on backstage, so it was all fine.  We completed the night with a standing ovation and we shook hands and took pictures for at least and hour after the show.
We didn't see Mr. Frank after the lights went down and the trailer was all packed.  I'm kinda glad actually.  Not exactly sure what Mr. Frank was gonna do with those pictures and I'm pretty sure I don't ever want to find out, but we'll just chalk it up to a man who loves him some GRITS and leave it at that!

50 Shades of GRITS!

In honor of the upcoming V-Day holiday and the release of the highly anticipated love fest "50 Shades of Grey", I give you "50 SHADES OF GRITS!" Spoiler alert...the stories aren't so much about the GRITS Gals as it is about the GRITS venues we've played.  You'll see! 
Come with me on a kinky tour of southern theaters with, shall we say, naughty/creepy tales to tell.  All of these are 100% completely true!  I kid you not.  There is NO WAY I could make this stuff up!

We start off in small town, North Carolina.  What a lovely theater.  Sat an audience of about 350.  We had a lovely meet and greet with the town's art council.  We sampled shrimp and grits and looked at art in the lovely lobby, which doubled as a gallery. 
BUT...before all that we loaded in, like any other gig.  Sets, costumes, merchandise, etc.  Then they took us to the dressing rooms.  Then "Crystal", we'll call her, took us down an unusual open staircase, located behind the stage to the dressing rooms.  It was only on one side of the stage, which was odd because a theater typically has entrances to the stage from both stage right and stage left. 
We could see that the stage had been built atop a some very old stone rooms.  Like so many small town venues, this theater had originally been a vaudeville space, opened in the early 1900s.  All kinds of acts, including naughty burlesque, were its main attractions.  Later it became a movie house and then, as so many of them did, became an X-rated movie theater in the 1970s. 
"Crystal" was more than happy to chatter away about the theater's history as we descended the staircase.  When we arrived at the bottom and stood in the odd shaped green room, it felt as if we were somehow in a cave.  Some of the walls were stone. Not modern stones in a beautiful arrangement, but rather plastered together rocks, like an old cottage. Other walls were wood-boarded. You know, the cheap kind, like paneling, and looking totally out of place. 
Then, I'll never forget what happened next.  I looked over at a strange oval-shaped, faded red wooden door.  It didn't have a knob but looked as if there had been a place where a lock had once resided.
"What's in there?" I innocently asked.  "Crystal" replied, "Oooh...you don't even want to KNOW what we found in there!" 
You see, the theater had been abandoned after on-screen X-rated movies were replaced by more easily-accessible VHS videotapes. The seekers of smut had moved on.  BUT, apparently, they left some interesting sexy trinkets to be discovered by the town's historical preservation society!
"Crystal" explained: "We came down here and it was like a dungeon! Who knows what was going on down here?"
We all couldn't help ourselves, so we walked down the six creaky steps into this...cave.  Dirt floors, stones that jutted out like benches.  "Crystal" added that they'd found handcuffs.  I was in there all of five seconds before I was like, "I'm outta here."
I looked at "Crystal" and said, "So...I don't suppose this place is haunted?"  She just looked at me with a most serious look on her face and said, "Yes...yes it is."
That was the last we spoke of the stone cave room that night. Nothing weird happened during to show or as we were packing to leave, but the weird thing was, I don't remember any of us ever bringing it back up again.  You'd have thought we would've, weird as it was.  Maybe it was TOO weird...even for us.

Next!  On to small town Alabama.  YES!  We should all run, because this story has a closet, too. But what was found weren't sexy tidbits...but a person!  Read on, you wicked, wicked people!
Small town Alabama was the very first stop for GRITS in the Yellow Hammer State.  Being a Tennessee gal, I had some hesitation as we two states have been at odds football-wise for a LONG time. But I really loved this lady that was the manager of the facility.  She was so wonderful.  Full of life and energy.  We'll call her "Nadine". 
"Nadine" greeted us as we pulled in and she had a precious staff of young folks to help us with our sets and gear.  We loaded in as usual and had our sound check.  "Nadine" flitted about the modern auditorium-style facility, periodically checking on us.  She was darling.  Whew!  I thought.  No trouble here, what a delight.  I was taking video of this trip with my phone so I could put together some clips for our YouTube channel.  Backstage fun, side-stage view of the performance, that sorta thing when "Nadine" came in to check on us before the show. 
We were all sitting around in our costumes and she was chatting us up about their theatrical season  (we were her season opener!) and how great it was that this show was a virtual sellout. We asked her how her holidays been. She said in a hushed tone..."Not too good."  "Oh no!" we all said.  "What happened?"  What she would say next, I know if I bet you all a million dollars you would NOT believe. Fortunately, I let my camera phone roll so I got it all for posterity sake!  She didn't know and I'll never tell and no, you cannot see it.
"Well...over the holidays I got a call from the police!" she said, still slightly whispering. "Our technical director was found dead."  "Oh!" we all exclaimed, "How awful!".  "Yes," she said, "in the theater."  "No!" we all exclaimed.  Then her face went into this weird I-shouldn't-tell-them-but-I have-to-or-I'll-burst look. "You can't tell anyone this" she said.  (Oooops.) "But...he was found in the utility closet."  She pointed to the closet right outside of the dressing room.  The door was open so we could all see it as she revealed the next part of the story.  "No!" we all said.  "Yes! He had hung himself there.", she said.  "No!", we all said.  "Yes!  He had a belt around his neck."  "No!" we all said.  "Yes! And guess what he was wearing?" she said.  At this point we were all in shock.  I think I heard one of the gals in the cast stutter, "W-w-what?" This she said in a whisper, bent over, looking around, for whom I do not know.  Maybe she thought his ghost was gonna come get her for revealing his dirty secret of demise. 
"He was wearing women's panties!"
Then she gasped and covered her mouth like she, too, was hearing it for the first time. 
We all sat stunned in silence.  Then I asked (at least I think it was me), "What do you think he was doing?"  I knew the answer, but I just had to see how this story, as told by her, would end.  "I don't know!" she said.  "Was he alone?  Was he depressed?  Was it...sexual?" 
She whispered that last part like it was a dirty word.  No lady...it wasn't sexual, I'm sure the really depressed TD just thought that's how his suicide should play out.  With a belt around his neck and him modeling a thong.  Not sexual?  Indeed. 
After the story was over, she simple straightened her posture, smiled and looked at us and said, "Can you believe that? Hmph." 
Unfortunately, we can...yes, we can.

Lastly, I leave you with Small Town, Everywhere.  You see that's where we have our most fun.  The trips getting there in the GRITS SUV. Those times and talks shared post-show reveal many things about us.  Maybe too many.  It's amazing what a road trip, a snack bag filled with tortilla chips and cheese, and a soundproof vehicle or an anonymous Holiday Inn Express will make a lady share.  Here are my top sexy picks!

"I love a King-Tut!"
"I was not his Friday night girl!"
"How do you know you won't like it, if you don't ever try it?"
"What's old timey name for the devil?  Zeus?"
"I have too kissed a girl before!"
"Is this my bag?  I don't think this is my bag. What's this?  Oh."
"Oh no!  I forgot my bra!  Can you see my....?"
"Where do you want this glitter?  It's good luck to wear it during a show.  Uh...ok.  That really makes your cleavage sparkle! Yay!"
"No, I am not coving the room for you and your "friend" to share.  That's on you!"
"Here's a t-shirt for you!  We had it made!  It's airbrushed! Look what it says...."  "Uhhhh ladies, I'm sure I'll have a lot of places to wear the "GRITTY TITTIES" shirt.  Thanks.  And no...I am NOT writing that show."

Well...there you have it.  Just a lil taste of our fun naughtiness.  Of course, I didn't write any of the REALLY good stuff.  There is such a thing as producer/cast confidentiality!  "GRITS on the Road", stays on the road (I'm getting that trademarked for my TV show I want to produce!  After reading this, wouldn't you watch that show??? I would!  Don't laugh...it could happen, right?)
Anyway, I hope this made you smile and I hope you all have a very special Valentines Day!  I don't know if this was as sexy as it was scary, but the way they are talking this "Grey" movie up, apparently they are one and the same!  See y'all next month for more GRITTY adventures!